Society generally does not
respond to pet owners who grieve after the death or loss of a pet with
the same support and concern that is given when a (human) family member
dies. Not surprisingly, pet owners often hide or minimize their
feelings and do not tell bosses, friends, or even family what they are
upset about. “I couldn’t express my feelings to anyone because I
thought that I was the only person who had ever grieved this deeply for
a dog” is a common reaction. Pet owners often feel embarrassed and even
apologetic about their grief. These are some of the things that make
the death or loss of a pet especially difficult.
It is okay to cry
Grief is a
natural, normal and automatic reaction we experience when someone we
love dies or is no longer a part of our lives. Many people describe
their pets as important family members, loyal companions,
confidantes, protectors, sources of unconditional love and even as
their perpetual “children” as pets are forever dependent on their owners
for food, shelter, and love. Considering all of these roles our pets
have, it becomes easier to understand why it hurts so much when a pet
goes missing or dies. One of the most important things that you can do
when this happens is to give yourself permission to grieve for your
pet. Try to find someone you can share your feelings with and remember
that it is okay to cry.
What
can I expect?
Grieving has been described
as being pushed on a roller coaster ride blindfolded. There are
unexpected ups and downs and one never really knows what will be around
the next corner. The grief process is unique for each person and will
“take as long as it takes.” Depending on personal characteristics and
the nature of the loss experienced, it is not unusual to experience
waves of grief for 6 months to a year (or longer). Grief can affect us
physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. Please click
on the “what might help if you are grieving” handout for some
practical tips on coping with grief.
“When we lose
something that was very precious to us, whatever its nature, we
grieve. Our grief may be short-lived sorrow or lead to a lengthy period
of mourning. The depth of our grief depends on the nature of the
relationship that we had with what we have lost, not on who or what the
person or thing actually was. We might grieve more for the loss of a
dog or a cat than a person- it simply depends on the relative
contributions made by each to our physical and spiritual well-being…
I have deeply loved several dogs and grieved correspondingly deeply when
they died. Just a few weeks ago we lost Cider, the dog who has shared
our lives for the past thirteen years. I hate the thought of walking
where she and I walked together. When I sit on “her couch” I feel a
lump in my throat, and when the doorbell rings, and there are no
fierce barks, it is not easy to go and let the caller in. I miss her
snoring beside my bed at night. I am not ashamed to weep for her, as I
wept for the other dogs who gave me so much.”
-Jane
Goodall (1998)
Daybreak Counselling
Services: 604-802-6959
